How to Put On Your Face

-or-

How to Get Ready in the Morning Without Looking Like a Goth Rock Concert Spit Up On Your Face.

Brace yourself. It's gonna be one of those mornings.

Brace yourself. It’s gonna be one of those mornings.

I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m particular about how I get up in the morning, and music really helps me move. Depending on the songs I listen to, my makeup can vary drastically. Which is a really good reason to lay off the Dope, Nightwish, Birthday Massacre, etc. etc. first thing in the morning.

It was supposed to be a short list, I swear!

Here’s the ever-evolving list of Coffee-replacement songs in my repertoire.

  • Pretty When You Cry – VAST
  • Red Light Go – Mea Fisher
  • Strict Machine (We Are Glitter Goldfrapp Mix) – Goldfrapp
  • Who’s Your Daddy? (Original Radio Edit) – Benny Benassi
  • Bang Bang Bang Bang – Sohodolls
  • Watch Out (Radio Edit) – Ferry Corsten
  • Weapon of Choice – Fatboy Slim
  • Everything In Between – The Numb Ones
  • Blue Jeans (feat. Azealia Banks) – Lana Del Rey
  • The Fix Is In – OK Go
  • People Are Strange – The Doors
  • Looking for Strange – KMFDM
  • The Headphonist – Kinky
  • Dirty Laundry – Bitter:Sweet
  • Yankee Rose – David Lee Roth
  • Celebrity Skin – Hole
  • Bad Reputation – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
  • But Julian, I’m a Little Older Than You – Courtney Love
  • I Wanna Be Sedated – The Ramones
  • I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
  • Walkie Talkie Man – Steriogram
  • Girl Anachronism – The Dresden Dolls
  • You’re So Damn Hot – OK Go
  • Man (Opposable Thumb) – The Presidents of the United States
  • Somebody Told Me – The Killers
  • Are You With Me? – Vaux
  • Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt – We Are Scientists
  • I’ve Just Seen a Face – Jim Sturgess
  • Come Together – Joe Cocker
  • Hollywood – Madonna
  • Hung Up – Madonna
  • Let’s Go Crazy – Prince
  • Don’t Ask Me – OK Go

Okay, okay, this is probably one of the most mangled-up playlists you’ve ever seen and–confession time–the Spice Girls were very nearly on it–but these are some of the best get-up-and-go songs I’ve got, and some of the most likely candidates to be blasted out of my bed-and-bathrooms early in the morning.

This is my guaranteed makeup-slathering, teeth baring, riot-preparing playlist for mornings where I’d rather toss my phone out the window than rise to the sound of the nuclear alert.

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