Vengeful Man-Hating Playlists…What Else Are Best Friends For?

So Alli is one of my favorite people ever. We began our friendship when I transferred to … er… our cheery alma mater in fourth grade. She thought I was a mutant until I mentioned Miracle Girls, and from there, it was fate. (She spends our bonding time trying to out-mutant me. Cannot be done, but she manages a close second whenever the game show network comes up.)

Anyway, it’s been my unique privilege to hear in great–often frighteningly violent–detail about her lifelong timeline of boy-girl interactions. From the crushes to the ‘I want to crush you’s. I giggled and teased her when she dropped behind a half-wall to hide from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-in-the-Lunchline, and I growled and squeamed with her over the notorious Scrunchie Sniffer.

Long story short, her life is my kitschy soap opera. Every time the seek and destroy impulse comes up, it falls to me to provide the soundtrack.

Behold, ladies: a playlist from stalker to cuddle-blocking d**che-friends.

  • Knock ’em Out – Lily Allen
  • Never Gonna Happen – Lily Allen
  • Sick of You – CAKE
  • Diablo – Simon Curtis
  • U and Ur Hand – P!nk
  • Watch Me – Icon for Hire
  • Nail in My Coffin – The Kills
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